


Soon To Be

by witnessfortheprosecution



Series: Writings from Tumblr [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Cigarettes, Español | Spanish, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mutual Pining, Roman is Chilean, Self-Hatred, So he uses a lot of Chilean slang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-11-04 05:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17892278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witnessfortheprosecution/pseuds/witnessfortheprosecution
Summary: Everyone had their vices nowadays. Information and ideas are conveyed too fast and quickly for anyone to stay sane without a little outside help. There are healthier coping mechanisms than others, some more effective than not, and Virgil has tried pretty much them all, and he has more shit to deal with than most. So whilst many found solace in sex, Smirnoff, and santa marta, Virgil was still smoking in 2019.





	1. Nicotine

**Author's Note:**

> I originally meant for this to be a short one shot, but it has turned into a monster I cannot contain.
> 
> Edit: My ending note for this chapter will not show up talking about Roman's Chilean slang, so I am going to copy/paste it here: 
> 
> I made Roman Chilean in this fic (gee, I wonder why), and we use a lot of slang, so here are the translations for those words:
> 
> santa marta - Not a Chilean slang word, but slang for marijuana in Latin America (according to the Internet).
> 
> cachai - Do you get me?/ Y’know? / Yea? At it’s core, it is essential just asking if they are on the same page.
> 
> po: Just used for emphasis when speaking.
> 
> weon: This is the most commonly used slang word in Chile. It’s meaning can range from ‘dude’ or ‘man’ to as a term of endearment, greeting to idiot or worse. The meaning all depends on context and emphasis. I am being serious when I say Chileans say this in every other sentence.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders

Everyone had their vices nowadays. Information and ideas are conveyed too fast and quickly for anyone to stay sane without a little outside help. There are healthier coping mechanisms than others, some more effective than not, and Virgil has tried pretty much them all, and he has more shit to deal with than most. So whilst many found solace in sex, Smirnoff, and santa marta, Virgil was still smoking in 2019.

It was not his fault. He began smoking when he was 14 when it was 2012 and still semi cool. If he could turn back time and refuse that first cigarette from someone who’s name escapes him now, he would, but for now he has to indulge to keep himself sane.

He used to smoke a lot more, at least a pack and a half a day. Now, on a bad day, he smokes 15 cigarettes; on a good day, he is down to 8; an average day has Virgil fall somewhere between 10 and 12. 

It is never enjoyable to stand outside, by yourself, and just smoke, but without the nicotine, he get extremely jittery, anxious, and irritated. The weather doesn’t let up for anyone slowly destroying their body, but it does allow him to have extra breaks from work. Not that he particularly minds working at Hume’s Coffeehouse. The owner is good and his day manager, Roman, can be bothersome, but is good company. And it is just a short walk to his flat with his roommate Patton. Yet, there were still days when customers were just… So dumb. Such unbridled, unfiltered, idiocy.

So, that is why Virgil is standing out front for his second time that hour, slowly milking his Marlboro Lite outside the doors to the shop. Normally, he has to smoke out back on the patio, but there were guests outside and Roman did not want them to be disturbed. So, he told him to zip up his hoodie over his uniform (as to not give the company a ‘bad image’) and to go smoke out front.

It was a warm day in April, warmer than Virgil’s liking for having a hoodie on, the sun shining on his right arm, holding the lit cigarette in his left hand. Virgil kicked a few pieces of concrete across the wide, jagged sidewalk as he took a deep breath in the afternoon air. It was a few minutes past 4 o’clock, Virgil thankful that he gets to leave in less than an hour and go work on a graphic design project for school. The rush had died down exponentially, no one had come in the building for the past 10 minutes. A white car pulled up to the front spot in the parking lot, and Virgil internally groaned and took another drag of his cigarette, knowing that if someone was coming in, he would have to go back inside to help (seeing as it was just Virgil and Roman there).

The car door opened, and a young man who appeared to be a tad older than Virgil himself exited and slammed the door closed with his foot, carrying a laptop on his hip, a satchel under his arm, a binder in his left arm (that looked about 5 inches wide), whilst texting on his cellphone with his left hand. Virgil had seen all types of university kids come into their quaint little shop in his time working there, but he had never seen one try to multitask before even getting in the building. This one, in fact, seemed even less aware of his surroundings than most.

He walked a few paces across the pavement (never looking up from his phone) until he made his way to the sidewalk. The jagged, uneven sidewalk that one in every three people trip over because of a particularly nasty snag on the pavement.

“Dude, hey!” Virgil called out, trying to get the young man’s attention, “Watch out, you’re gonna-” The man looked at Virgil over his glasses, his eyes filled with hurry and confusion, until his black converse caught onto that crack in the sidewalk, and he came crashing down.

Virgil doesn’t think he has ever cringed more on behalf of another person before; but watching a cellphone with no case an a Macbook fly through the air as papers from the thickest binder any man has ever seen fluttered on top of the sidewalk, like sprinkles on the worst sundae ever, made for a spectacle like no other.

“Holy shit, man!” Virgil yelled, throwing his cigarette to the ground and quickly stomping it out before running to the aid of the other. “Are you okay?”

The other man groaned and picked himself back onto his knees. His once professional demeanor was quickly ruined by the his now disheveled black hair and the scrapes on his cheek.

“Oh, that is unfortunate,” The bespectacled spectacle looked down at the long sleeved sweater he was previously wearing, now sporting a hole in the elbow, which was bleed as well, clashing with the navy blue color he had on.

“You got fucked up,” Virgil said, tapping his fingers rapidly on his thigh. He moved down to his knees and began gathering the papers before they began to blow away, “Let me help you gather all this up. You seemed stressed enough,”

The man chuckled, running his hands through his hair, attempting to tame it once more, “I suppose I am more stressed than was I was previously aware of,” He leaned to his left to grab his phone and inspected it for a few moments, fiddling with the buttons before smirking, “No cracks,”

Virgil scoffed, “You are so jammy, my phone would be dust if that happened, and I have an Otterbox,”

He shrugged in response, “It is because I have an Android,”

The Macbook, however, did not fare so well. He opened it, adjusting his glasses, and cringed. Virgil moved behind him and couldn’t help but suck in a breath at seeing the laptop ink inside the machine spill and move around the cracked areas.

“Yea, that thing is toast,”

He just shook his head, “Nonsense. I just have to get the screen replaced. I have the 2 year warranty after all. I just will not be as productive when I start working,” He closed the laptop and put it in his messenger bag as Virgil ogled at him.

“After what just happened, you are still going to do work? I don’t think I would work for a week if that shit just happened to me. I would take that as a sign from the universe to take a break,”

The other just scoffed at that, pushing his glasses further on his face. “I have not taken a break in 24 years, one broken Macbook is not going to change that streak for me,” He smirked at the other, but then contorted his face up, wincing slightly and touched the wound still present on his cheek. “Do you think that you could help me and gather the rest of my papers? You do not have to of course, but since you are already helping. I would like to run to my car and get some medical supplies to treat my wounds.”

“Yes, yes, of course,”

The man smiled at him gratefully and slowly jogged back to his car. Virgil began gather the papers that were littered with chemistry and medical notations that he had no clue about. He picked up a page full or writing, presumably the center of an essay and looked at the corner which read ‘Arias 3’.

The man, Arias, came back with a small first aid bag slung over his shoulder just as Virgil finished putting all of the papers back in the binder. He picked up the binder and the satchel but did not hand them to Arias quite yet.

“I will bring these in for you, I do not want you tripping and falling again,” Virgil explained, and Arias groaned in feign vexation, a smile ghosting his lips, “Do you need any help with your wounds or anything?”

Arias shook his head as they made their way into the shop, Virgil holding the door for them, “I am in my second to last year of my medical school program, I believe I can handle a few cuts and bruises,” He set down his bag on a table and Virgil followed suit with the rest of his items, “But I sincerely appreciate the offer,” 

Virgil bowed a little which made the other chuckle slightly. He looked behind him at the counter to see Roman standing there, staring at him with his hands on his hips. He shakes his head and taps his wrist and Virgil rolled his eyes, “I should get back to work, my manager is going to yell at me soon,”

Arias’ eyebrows raised slightly, “You work here? Did you just begin?”

“No, I have been here for about 7 months now,”

He frowned in response, “I frequent this location often, why have I never seen you,”

Virgil shrugged, “I normally leave at 5 o’clock, so what time-”

“Ah,” Arias pointed a finger at him, “That must be it. I come in here at around 6 o’clock most weekdays. I am familiar with some of the staff… Including Roman,” He gestured his hand a little past Virgil, who turned around to see his manager walking towards them, a grin plastered on his face.

“Hello again, Logan. I see you have become acquainted with Virgil now,” Roman grinned and placed an arm around Virgil shoulders, sighing a bit with relief to finally know the other man’s name.

Arias- Logan, must have had the same line of thinking, “We haven’t had a proper introduction, but, I suppose now his a good time.” He held out his hand to Virgil, “I am Logan Arias,”

Virgil took his hand, “Virgil Kosa,” The shook for a moment, Logan’s grip was professional and firm and then they parted.

Logan directed his attention to Roman, “Yes, Virgil here helped me after I tripped and fell over that dreaded sidewalk,”

Roman groaned, “That sidewalk is the bane of my existence. It is now evident that you lost that fight with the sidewalk,” Roman loosely pointed to the wounds on Logan’s face, which prompted him to pull out the bandages, rubbing alcohol, and cotton rounds from his bag.

“I also lost my Macbook in the process. It succumbed to the harsh concrete, but I have the warranty for it. Thankfully Virgil here was there to help me gather my items that were lost from my fall.” He smiled softly at the dark cladded man, “I am quite grateful,”

Roman gave a hearty laugh, “Well, it is good that I let you go on that smoking break then,”

Virgil smirked, “I guess today smoking is going to save lives,”

Logan’s face contorted, but before he could say anything the chime went off in the store and they saw two people standing at the counter. They bid their short farewell to Logan and made their way around the back of the counter.

They had a mini rush, an influx of students from their college town came in, ordering everything from black coffee to frivolous frappuccinos. Roman took orders while Virgil blended, shook, and spun the orders ‘round. He didn’t mind the work. It was mindless and it allowed his thoughts to drift a bit. He thought about Logan a bit more, his eyes trailing to the black haired man who was studying diligently, flipped through flashcards faster than Virgil could probably read them. Logan adjusted his glasses and Virgil smiled, taking in his sharp features and intelligent sense of dress. He noticed the blue bandage he had on his cheek and the medical bag was on the chair opposite to him. Virgil stared longer than he should have and Logan turned to him, catching his eye. He waved curtly at Virgil, grey eyes flashing with bemusement and he flushed in response, opting for a two fingered salute towards Logan, hoping he didn’t notice his blush.

The rush eventually died down and Virgil was wiping down the machines when Roman came up behind him, straws in hand. He grinned down at Virgil as he stocked the dry goods, the other attempting to ignore the chuckles and giggles coming from the taller man. Eventually, Virgil turned to raise an eyebrow at Roman, who was filling the creamer with a cheeky expression.

“Can I ask you a question, V?”

Virgil nodded, prompting the other to continue.

“So, you’re gay,  _cachai_?” Roman purred, the rhyme flowing effortlessly off his tongue.

Virgil made a smacking noise with his mouth and shook his head, wiping down a counter area that was already clean, “You can’t ask me that, Roman,”

He rolled his eyes, “But I am correct, yes?”

Virgil groaned, “Yes, you are. Is this relevant?”

Roman danced in placed, spilling droplets of creamer on the ground, “I want to set you up with Logan,”

Virgil groaned, “No, I do not want to be set up with anyone. I barely know him,”

“You kept giving him eyes on the line, I was watching,”

“He is cute, yes, but that whole med student thing does not exactly appeal to me, seeing as I am the least healthy person I know,”

Roman decidedly ignored the last half of Virgil’s statement and made undignified, offended gasps at Virgil, “Cute? You have got to be kidding me,  _weon_ ,” Roman ruffled his dark curls after discarding the gloves he was wearing, “He has that sexy librarian thing going on, how can you not be into that?”

If you’re so ‘into that’,” Virgil quoted “Then why don’t you date him?”

Roman protested, “You would think I would, but, I am still trying to take a bite of your adorably delicious roommate,”

“Ah, right,” Virgil remembered, “That’s a fun thing to hear from your boss,”

Roman groaned dramatically and Virgil just raised an eyebrow at him, “Just go ask him out, I promise you will not regret it,” He sung that last bit, and Virgil only rolled his eyes. He did a quick sweep of the line and made sure to diligently wipe down the blenders to avoid going out into the lobby to wipe down tables.

“I am leaving now, Roman,” Virgil’s eyes trailed to the front counter to where he heard Logan’s voice, seeing the med student talk to his manager, “I will see you tomorrow, most likely,”

“Ah, that you will,  _weon_. I hope you get your laptop fixed, promptly,” Roman flailed his arms in standard dramatic fashion and Logan shook his head at him, exhausted.

“Virgil,” Logan called out to him, a ways away down the line. He beckoned Virgil forward and he rushed forward, standing next to Roman, the two were stark contrasts of each other, “I just wanted to let you know I left something for you written on one of the napkins on the table,” Logan motioned towards his table, and sure enough, Virgil spotted a napkin and a pen left there. Virgil said nothing in response and Logan took this as an opportunity to take his leave and bid the other two a quaint farewell.

As soon as Logan was out the door, Roman began squealing with delight as Virgil turned completely red to his roots.

“Looks like Logan had the hots for you too!” He followed Virgil out into the lobby where he went to Logan’s seat and snatched up the napkin with the pen. He looked at the napkin, expecting to find a phone number or an email.

“What is it?” Roman asked, and Virgil read the napkin over again, groaning.

Virgil frowned at Roman, and read the napkin out loud:

_“Smoking is the leading cause of preventable disease. Frequent smokers die 10 years earlier than non-smokers._

_-(soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychiatrist”_

Roman snatched the napkin away from Virgil’s grasp to read it for himself, and began laughing.

“Great, not only do I have my coworkers and housemates bother me about smoking, now I have random attractive men doing so?”

Roman continued laughing,  _“Si, po. Si_ ,”

“This is why you don’t fuck with med students,” Virgil spat, bitterly.

Roman said nothing but snickered a bit more before following Virgil to the back where he pulled out his phone.

“It is not an incorrect fact, I just checked,”

“I didn’t think it would be,  _weon_ ,” Roman pinned the napkin to their corkboard in the back, “Soon-to-be Dr. Logan Arias said so,” He quoted and giggled a bit more as Virgil made a grab for the napkin, but Roman deflected it.

“You suck, Roman, I want you to know that,” Virgil looked at the clock, “I was supposed to get off 45 minutes ago, can I leave?”

Roman nodded as Virgil unplugged his phone charger and grabbed his lighter (he always carries two) and inspected the note once more, “It is odd that he didn’t leave a number or anything, just a fact,”

Roman shrugged, “Maybe he will give one to you once you make an effort to stop smoking,”

Virgil barked laughing, “Fat chance,” He made a beeline for the door.

“No one wants to kiss an ashtray!” Roman called.

Virgil pushed open the door with he back as he yelled back at Roman, “I am not asking anyone to!”

He put in his earbuds and began walking with purpose back to his apartment. The walk was an easy 10 minutes where he could just block out the world and succumb to the lyrics of his Walking/Daydream Playlist.

He reached his apartment and threw his keys in the bowl at the front door. He greeted Patton and made his way to his room and looked at the time. It was only 6 o’clock, so he decided he had time for a nap before dinner. Virgil closed his eyes and fell asleep to visions of steel grey and cigarette smoke.


	2. Nothing Breaks Like a Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil confides in Patton about his worries and gets more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am suffering today, in turn, so are my characters. Please enjoy.

Virgil woke up to sunlight creeping in from his window, peaking out at him through his blinds. Virgil looked at his clock and groaned: 6:04. He slept over 12 hours, and didn’t even get started on his project, which he wanted to have done. 

The pain and noises from his stomach were too loud to ignore as he made his way to the kitchen and put come chocolate chip waffles in the toaster. He put in two more in the other burner as well, knowing Patton would be awake in just a couple minutes as well. 

He went to brush his teeth and when he came back he saw his roommate putting on a pot of coffee and pulling out two mugs and creamer. 

“Well, good morning, sleepy head,” Patton chirped and Virgil smiled back softly, “Everything alright, kiddo? You seemed awfully exhausted last night and I didn’t want to wake you,” 

Virgil watched him adjust his glasses while tapping on their kitchen counter for their morning susitiance. He sighed and smoothen out his slightly wrinkled clothes. Patton was a florist for a wedding company, so he consistently dress like a gardener. His bosses did not mind, seeing as he always worked behind the scenes. 

Virgil shrugged, pulling out the butter and syrup, “I am fine, just a long day at work yesterday,” 

Patton hummed, but didn’t say anything more on the subject. 

“Though,” Virgil started, making Patton perk up, “Something interesting did happen with a customer yesterday,” 

“Interesting how?”

“Well,” Virgil began to move to the other side of the table, his voice trailing upwards, “He tripped and fell and we had kind of a moment. Apparently he is a night regular, and this was the first time we had met. He is really cute, and I thought we had something going on, maybe because he said he left something for me on the table-” 

“Was it his number?” Patton smiled, he couldn’t help but chime in. 

“No,” He sighed, discontentedly, “It was just a fact about the risks of smoking and lung health,” Virgil muttered. 

There was a beat, and then he heard giggling from the older man across the table. Giggling which turned into squealing, which is not something you would expect from a 27 year old man. Virgil rolled his eyes as Patton began to dance a little (for unknown reasons to Virgil) while he was pouring coffee and plating the waffles. 

“That is honestly so cute, Virge!” Patton clapped, sitting down, and Virgil just raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Cute how?”  

“Okay, look, how many people do you know that smoke at Hume’s, cigarettes or otherwise?” 

Virgil scoffed, “Almost all the kids that work weekends do, and I know our owner does. Also the night manager who relieves Roman is a bigger cigarette smoker than me,” 

Patton’s smile grew wider, “This guy is a regular and I am sure he doesn’t put down facts for every server at your workplace. He wrote that just for you. He wants your attention but doesn’t know how!” 

Virgil snorted, “Not everything is that convoluted, Pat, I hate to tell ya. People don’t just do dumb stuff like that for someone’s attention?” 

  
“Really?” Patton asked, sass laced in his voice. 

“Yea,” 

“Well, let me ask you this,” He took a sip of his coffee and set it down on the counter, “You know I know how to use Photoshop, hm?” 

“Of course,” Virgil said, “You minored in graphic design in college, that’s how we met,” 

“But Roman doesn’t know that,” Patton smirked back at his counterpart, “Any time I have a “problem” or “question”, Roman is always just too happy to offer me pointers and give me advice,” 

“And that works?” 

Patton giggled, “I learned Photoshop inside and out in 6 weeks, I have been getting Roman to help me for 4 months,” 

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Roman is obviously into you, you don’t have to make excuses to be around him,” 

Patton slammed his hands on the table, “But why won’t he say that to me!” He whined. 

“Not the point, the point is: what do I do?” 

Patton shrugged, “Well, I suppose there are two ways you could go about this,” Patton got up with his coffee mug to open the blinds and windows, letting their house plant infested living room to receive light, “For one, you could just have a slow burn romance like Roman and I and just let these napkins pile up until he makes a bold move when he knows your interested,” 

Patton set down his coffee and grabbed the watering can and began to water their jungle. Virgil frowned, following Patton around with his head, “That sounds awful,” 

“Oh, uh, it is,” Patton sighed, gently caressing the spores on their Aloe Vera plant, “But it is also fun in a way. I feel like my life is a fanfiction,” 

“What is the second way?” 

Patton giggled, accidentally hitting himself in the face with the leaves off the Kentia palm while watering their cactus, “Just be upfront and honest about your intentions and make this guy feel special. If he isn’t interested, at least you know, right? You don’t deserve to be pining after a guy who may just be really passionate about lung health.” Patton stopped water for a moment and looked at Virgil, gesturing at him with the water can, “Virgil, your lungs may not be right as rain, but your heart's too big and wonderful to be broken. You deserve all the love in the world, you are a smart, and intelligent, and funny guy. Just be totally truthfully and if Mr. Doctor doesn’t want you, you don’t need him.” 

“Patton…” Virgil said softly, “That is really astute. But it would never work for me, I cannot just be honest,” 

Patton chuckled, moving onto the pink Cordyline, “That is what Emile told me to do about Roman, and I told him it would never work. When has being honest with your feelings ever been beneficial?” Patton spoke with a tone too cheery for the topic of the situation being discussed. 

“Pat…” Virgil said slowly, “Remember, you have to tell me things…” 

He sighed, putting down the water can. Patton moved over to the windows and looked out the tall glass, their small 2 bedroom apartment looked over their town quiet nicely. At first, Patton looked as happy and as youthful as ever, the sunlight dancing over his honey colored curls and freckles dotting his face like seeing stars in the morning sky. However, his expression then turned more solemn, more grim. Not quite melancholy yet, but the bittersweetness was sure to taste like lemon juice on your tongue. He fiddled with the front pocket of his baby blue overalls and pushed up his round glasses. 

“I dunno Virgey,” He started, still looking out the window, “Does Roman not like me like I like him? It is fun; the flirting and the blushing and all that but,” He looked down at his shoes, “I dunno. Maybe… I am just something to keep Roman entertained for a while until he finds someone… Better,” 

If it weren’t for the fan whirring in the living room and the traffic noises from outside, one may have been able to hear Virgil’s heart quietly fall to the floor and shatter. “Patton… You can’t really think that, can you?” 

He laughed bitterly, finally being able to look at Virgil, tears welling up in Patton’s eyes, “Can’t I?” 

“Look, Patton,” Virgil started, “I gotta tell you, Roman is absolutely smitten with you. I cannot tell you what he says about you half the time. I actually can’t, because he says them in Spanish!” This made Patton giggle and Virgil moved off his stool and held his hands in the other’s, “Look, I know Roman a bit better than you. He likes to be all Mr. Confident, but I am sure he is just as nervous as you are, waiting for when you’re going to make a move. I know you love him, but he is an idiot,”

Patton sniffled a bit, not making Virgil gaze. Virgil frowned and tilted Patton chin to meet his eyes level, “Hey, c’mon now. Whatever you are feeling right now is valid, I get it, you know I do, but tears are not worth it over baseless speculation,” He rubbed slightly at the circles under Patton’s eyes where the tears started to fall, “Call him, text him, invite him to dinner, whatever. I can guarantee you he will say yes,”

“What if he doesn’t?” 

Virgil sighed, “Well, if that happens, I’ll just have to kill him over it,” Virgil said, matter-of-factly, dropping his hands to his side. 

Patton frowned, a ghost of a smile present on his face, “Roman looks like he has 3% body fat and also has 6 inches on you. He would beat you up in a fight,” 

“Not if I brought a  _ knife, _ ” Virgil cracking a smile, eyes widened at the last emphasis. Whatever weird face he pulled, it must’ve worked, because Patton started laughing and smiling once again, “Nice, there’s that smile,” 

Patton giggled once more and Virgil held out his arms slightly, which Patton gladly took into (Virgil not normally one of doling out hugs). The shorter man melted into Virgil chest a bit. Patton was 6 inches shorter than Virgil, which made him a foot shorter than Roman. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that, it was almost too adorable. 

Virgil pulled away from the other, gripping him by the shoulders, “C’mon Pop-Star, you got this,” He smiled. Patton nodded back at him and Virgil pulled in for another hug, hoping to mend Patton’s broken heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a bit of a shorter chapter, but please comment if you want more and maybe I will post another chapter later this week. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders


	3. Restless Heart Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan's moment ends before it can begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while, yea? I am sorry, I have just had 0 motivation to write this or anything, honestly. I will try to update more regularly, but no promises.

“Y’know,” Virgil stalked up to Logan’s table, “Science has proven that biting your nails regularly is just as bad as taking a tab of acid once a week,”

Logan looked away from his computer and stopped working at his thumbnail, and just let it fall to the table with a smack on the wood, looking at Virgil with an unreadable- no, incredulous expression.

“What?” Logan asked, exasperated.

“That’s true,”

“Who,” Logan ventured. “Who said that?”

Virgil pointed finger guns to Logan, “Science,”

Logan scoffed, but the subtle amusement was present on his face, “I do not even have time to tell you how incorrect you are, you are aware of that right?”

Virgil shrugged, placing his hands behind his back, “Quite true. But, according to Forbes, stress is the cause of over 120,000 deaths per year,” Virgil leaned in and slowly shut Logan’s laptop, “You look like you’re going to become one of them,”

Logan cracked his fingers and rubbed his eyes and looked at Virgil, “I know the study you are referring to, and that statistic is only in relation to acute stress, and I can assure my stress is chronic,”

“Your _acute_ ness is _chronic_ as well I guess,” Virgil said, awkwardly. Logan raised his eyebrows and Virgil pointed finger guns at him again. His attempt to be upfront was not going so well.

Logan cleared his throat and reached for his mug, “You should, uh-” He coughed, trying to cover up his stuttering, “You should, uh, know that I, um, do not like- I do not have an appreciation for word play,” Logan took a drink of his tea, but Virgil could not help but notice the way his eyes were shifting and the redness in his cheeks.

“Irregardless, take a break,” Virgil said leaning on his chair, and Logan just rolled his eyes, adjusting his glasses. He opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil acted faster, “Come outside with me and enjoy some fresh air, it is gorgeous right now. The sun is almost set, the weather is nice,”

“Virgil, I simply have too much to do-”

“Please? My break will not last forever,” Virgil flushed in spite of himself, “And, uh, you need to quit working too,”

Logan looked at his watch and ran his free hand through his hair. He did truly look terrible. His wide frames could not hide the circles under his eyes that were not as prominent two days ago. His tie was loose around his neck and his pair of slacks were coffee stained. Roman had stopped serving him coffee two hours ago for fear Logan would give himself a heart attack, so there must be some other reason why Logan was still here.

“Fine, I suppose I could take a break from my studies to… Recuperate,”

Logan stood up and grabbed his coat and carelessly threw it over his left shoulder. Grabbing his phone, he took long strides to the door and held it open for Virgil who followed shortly behind him.

The still air of the April evening made for a perfect night to sit out under the stars or take a long walk around town. The moon was out and the faint sound of cars rolling by on the parkway near the coffeehouse create nice background noise for the ambiance of the evening.

Virgil zipped up his hoodie and threw his hood over his head, Logan raising both eyebrows at him, asking a question but saying no words.

“What, I run cold?” Virgil put his hands in his pockets, not liking the way Logan was looking at him.

Eventually, his gaze tore away from the other and Logan grunted as he sat down on the curb of the sidewalk. He outstretched his legs and sighed deeply as he looked out into the night at the navy and pink sky, the stars slightly obscured by clouds and the even golden lamps of their suburbia.

Virgil sat down next to the other and pulled out a lighter, making Logan frown. “I would really prefer you to not smoke next to me. Second hand smoke can be extremely harmful,”

“I try not to smoke around other people, just because I know it bugs a lot of people,” Virgil said, flicking the gears of the Bic lighter to ignite it, “I just like playing with lighter a bit,”

Virgil looked at Logan and demonstrated what he does for his entertainment: he teases his fingertips over the flames; just enough to warm him, but never enough to burn. He moved the lighter side to side before extinguishing it. Virgil relit it and held it out to Logan. Logan inched closer to Virgil to where their thighs touched as Logan tentatively ran his fingers quickly across the flames; testing the waters of the blaze. The two made eye contact quickly; grey eyes meeting brown, and Logan looked down at the flame once more and danced his index finger tip and  thumb across the heat. He did this for a bit longer with each of his fingers and his thumb. Virgil stopped looking at the lighter at one point and began looking at Logan. The inferno reflected in his glasses and lit up the partially dark parking lot they were sat in, but only in their little corner. Behind those glasses were tired, silvery eyes, filled with intelligence and malcontent; but his expression was softened ever so slightly. Only now, under the low light, could Virgil notice the subtle freckles dotting across the elder’s cheeks. The freckles were painted like the stars in the sky of their town: delicate, yet beautiful when you get to see it.

Virgil thumb burned as he forced himself to keep the lighter ablaze, not wanting to ruin this moment of comfort, where nothing else existed outside of the flickering flames of the orange light. Mankind’s first invention brought contentedness to the pair so many millennial later.

Eventually, the flame went out on it’s own. The spark slowly dissipated and then extinguished. For some reason, it made Virgil feel a bit sick. He breathed out heavily and put the lighter back in his pocket. He rested on hand on his chin, and propped his elbow up by his knee. His other hand began playing with the loose string on the rip in his jeans on his knee. Virgil looked out into the night, seeing headlights and brakelights passing by.

Virgil continued to pull on the string until it came completely off. Not knowing what to do with it, he looked over at Logan (sitting straight as an arrow and hands folded) and put it in his hair.

“What the-” Logan moved his hand to his hair, feeling around for a foreign object. He pulled the string off of him and looked at Virgil, disgruntled, “Do not put stuff in my hair,” Logan scolded, then proceeded to balance it on Virgil’s nose, making him half sneeze and shake his head, pawing at his nose like a cat.

Logan giggled at the action; Virgil reaction was much too over the top for a simple piece of thread. Watching Logan genuinely smile, relaxing his posture and not caring that his glasses were slipping down his face, made Virgil smile too, and joined in with the tranquil laughter.  

The two slipped into comfortable silence once again. Virgil didn’t mind. Small talk was never his specialty anyways. He continued to fiddle with the loose strings on his pants; there were now even more after ripping another string off.

Virgil was pulling at one when Logan hand came over his to still the motion. Virgil looked up at the other, but he was not looking at him. Logan was looking up at the moon and the stars, more clear tonight than on average. Virgil looked back at their hands. He sense Logan’s fingers twitching slightly; the long fingers with jagged nails kept a subtle grip on Virgil’s, though it felt like a ticking time bomb where any second with any wrong movement, the contact would be retreated. He continued to looked at the other until Logan finally turned towards him and  immediately made eye contact with each other; the smoky orbs were speckled lightly with shades of blue, and Virgil suddenly loved the color grey. Logan’s lips were parted slightly, his breathing then became shallow and quickened.

Virgil couldn’t help but feel disappointed when Logan’s right hand was removed from his but his heart stuttered whenever Logan’s cold fingers came up to touch his cheek. His thumb rubbed across Virgil’s cheek, light dusted with pale freckles. Logan used his hand to motion Virgil’s face towards his, their breath entangling and lips only centimeters apart. Maybe it was placebo or the scents from the shop behind the pair, but Virgil could almost smell the black coffee on Logan’s breath and Virgil was thankful that Logan would not be able to smell the smoke on his, as they leaned in closer and closer-

Their bliss was horribly interrupted by a loud and continuous horn honking from the street. The pair yelped and jumped 3 feet away from one another. Logan put his hand to his heart and Virgil breathed out, rubbing the back of his neck. The noise stopped and the awkwardness had time to settle in like a thick cloud over the two men.

“Ah, that was something, yea?” Virgil said, scratching his knuckles a bit, a bad habit he picked up when he could not smoke.

“Indeed,” Logan responded flatly, watching the motion of Virgil blunt fingernails making his knuckles raw and red.

The two sat in silence for a few moments longer, the moment they were having previously had completely dissipated.

“I should head back to my apartment. I mean, I do not want you to get in trouble with your job, yea?”

Virgil nodded, wordlessly, as he stood up, brushing off his black pants and holding the door open for the other so he could pack up his stuff. He could not exactly pinpoint the feeling, but Virgil was disheartened by their interaction and how quickly that magic spell had been broken.

 _“¿Estás bien, weon?”_ Roman asked, quietly, just barely above a whisper.

“Just perfect, Princey,” Virgil spat back, surprising Roman. He sigh as he looked at Logan stiffly picking up his belongings and putting them away. He turned back to Roman, “ _Perd_ _ó_ _name; estoy irritada,”_

_“¿Porque?”_

Virgil looked at Logan, who was still packing up his stuff, and turned back to Roman, “ _Espera un momento. Mi espanol no es muy bueno. No quiero que Logan escuche la conversaci_ _ón,”_

“ _Si,”_

It was only a few moments after that Logan gave a curt nod towards the pair who were waving awkwardly, as the other man went out the door.

“Do you think he knew we were talking about him?”

Roman laughed, “You said his name, so probably” Virgil groaned and threw his head against the counter, “I did not know you were trying to learn Spanish,”

Virgil chuckled bitterly, “After multiple interactions with you, I have to learn. Besides, it is a good skill to have. _Mi español no es muy bueno, pero aun esfuerzo por hablarlo todos los días_ ,”

“It does not sound bad to me,” Roman told him, Virgil just grunted in response, “What happened out there?”

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, nervously, “I could be wrong, but, he may have been trying to kiss me-”

“What?!”

“Eh, yea I-”

“Tell me everything, Virgil,” Roman threw his rag and the sanitiser bucket under the counter and moved closer to the other, giving him his full and undivided attention.

“That is what I was trying to do,” Virgil deadpanned, but Roman seemed unfazed, “So we were sat outside, bantering and whatever, then I was pulling at a string on my pants, and- and he grabbed my hand. It- it felt like we were the only two people in the world for a minute. Then, he went and- and he- he grabbed my cheek,” Virgil swallowed and demonstrated on Roman, “Like that, then we started to, I think- maybe- I dunno, lean into kiss, and then…”

“And then?” Roman asked, on the edge of his seat.

“Then a car horn went off and the moment was ruined.” Virgil bitterly swiped some crumbs off the counter onto the floor, kicking them under the cooler.

The cafe was silent except for the music, constantly playing at a low hum in the background. Virgil skin still prickled from where Logan’s hand caressed his cheek not 10 minutes ago, holding his face like it was precious and revered.

“There will be a moment like that that comes again, yea?” Roman asked, hopeful.

Virgil shrugged, “I don’t think so. He probably hates me and regrets it and never wants to see me again,”

Roman quirked up an eyebrow and scoffed, “I wouldn’t be so hasty, _weon_ ,”

Virgil frowned, confused at the other’s confidence in the matter, “How’dja figure,”

Roman said nothing, but nodded his head towards the table where the man in question had been sitting. There was his white coffee mug and saucer sitting neatly on the table with a folded up blank sheet of computer paper.

He would never want to admit it, but Virgil almost sprinted to the table and snatched up the paper, making the two ceramic pieces clatter loudly together. Virgil’s eyes widened as he looked at the paragraph Logan had written.

“When did he have time to write this,” Virgil muttered, and read:

 

_“Virgil, thank you for taking me outside today and pulling me away from my work. Social engagement is important to humans and helps regulate mental health. I feel like I will go home and be more focused to do my work tomorrow. I am lucky to have someone like you, Virgil, you make me happy._

_I hope you had a good time with me as well, you seemed to be smiling quite a lot. However, smoking is one of the leading causes of gum disease in adults which can lead to tooth loss and decay, according to a study done by the CDC in 2016. It would be incredibly unfortunate if anything were to happen to that beautiful smile of yours._

__\- (soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychologist”_ _

Virgil could not stop blushing and smiling as he read the note over and over again, so much so he did not notice Roman come up behind him and read it over his shoulder.

He chuckled, “Yea, he definitely hates you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation for Spanish:  
> ¿Estás bien, weon? - Are you alright, weon?  
> Perdóname; estoy irritada - Sorry, I am irritated.  
> ¿Porque? - Why?  
> Espera un momento. Mi espanol no es muy bueno. No quiero que Logan escuche la conversación - Wait a moment. My Spanish is not very good. I don't want Logan to overhear.  
> Mi español no es muy bueno, pero aun esfuerzo por hablarlo todos los días - My Spanish is not very good, but I try to speak it everyday.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders
> 
> Do not forget to comment/give kudos if you enjoyed. Thank you, all.


	4. The Kid's Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a rough day and a rough interaction with Logan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update. Sorry it took so long, I was extremely busy with uni and other personal things, but I am here now and ready to write. Let me know what you think of this angst.

_“When you sat down on your lunch break with me, you ate a quarter of your sandwich and then put it back down because you ‘were not hungry’, despite not eating all day. According to Healthline, smoking suppresses your appetite by decreasing your sense of taste which can make eating less enjoyable. Once you stop smoking, you are more likely to be able to taste food fully again._

__\- (soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychologist”_ _

 

 

_*****_

_“I want you to live a long healthy life Virgil, however smoking exponentially increases your chance of lung cancer, according to the CDC, the Mayo Clinic, and every other health source in the world. Nevertheless, second hand smoke can be just as dangerous for others around you whether that be a roommate, or friend, or…. partner (?), and I am sure you would not want to hurt them._

__\- (soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychologist”_ _

 

 

_*****_

_“You came into work today even though you looked as if you had the Black Plague. Thankfully I came in just to see you (and Roman, I suppose), and did not order any food. This can be helped by quitting smoking, because your immune system lowers your ability to fight off infections because of smoking; these illnesses mainly consist of respiratory tracts, though they are often times more susceptible to the common cold as well. I hate to see you unwell, I hope you are feeling better when I see you tomorrow._

__-(soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychologist”_ _

 

 

*****

Virgil was having a weird day. He was only a couple hours into his shift and he already wanted to throw himself out of a window.

Firstly, his interaction with Patton as he was leaving was… Odd, to say the least. Normally his older roommate would love nothing more than to get him to stay and talk about anything and everything he wanted, almost causing Virgil to be late on some days.

However today, it seemed like he could not get him out the door fast enough.

_“No, yea, I made you an egg and cheese sandwich for you to eat on your walk to work, I even added mustard, ‘cause I know you like it,” Patton hastily talked to Virgil as he was throwing said man’s lunch into a bag, very haphazardly._

_“Can’t I just eat it here…?” Virgil asked at Patton laughed in a way that made Virgil cringe_.

_“No way, silly goose! If you do that you could be late again, what would you do without a job?” Patton beamed and Virgil half-chuckled weakly._

_“Are you okay, Pat? You seem a bit… Off?”_

_Patton sighed and for a split second it looked as though he was going to say something, but changed his mind by shaking his head and smiling, “Nothing is wrong, just in a good mood today,”_

_Virgil frowned, but dropped the subject, “Okay… Oh, can I borrow your phone charger today, mine broke,” Patton nodded, shifting a bit where he stood, “Oh great, I will go grab it-”_

_“NO!” Patton yelled, making Virgil jump. “I mean, uh,” Patton cleared his throat, “No, I will go get it, my room is a mess,”_

_The shorter man practically threw the charger at Virgil and pushed him out the door. It was only halfway down the stairs that he realised he had forgotten his sandwich._

_Virgil decided to forgo breakfast today._  


Next, Roman had called in sick, which was odd seeing as he had just gotten sick not 3 weeks ago and rarely ever called into work. Virgil had to deal with his dramatics on the phone, something about _“there is no cure”_ and _“this may be the last you ever hear from me”_ , with the phone call inevitably ending with a short _“see you tomorrow, V”_.

Now, Virgil was walking on eggshells because he had to work with the owner of the company, Nelly. Nelly is a very rich manipulative boss who is very good at customer service but is terrifying. She also owns 5 different businesses, not including _Marx_ , so she is rarely ever there, making the situation all the more anxiety inducing.

She chain smokes like no other, so Virgil had been waiting almost 5 hours before being able to go outside to break, so he was a bit testy at this point.

He began thinking about Patton and how weird he was today, like he was hiding something from Virgil. He took any other drag of his cigarette and reasoned that his birthday was coming up relatively soon, so maybe he was planning something. Then again, his anxiety is telling him Patton is finally sick of his bullshit and just wants him away. But Patton loves everyone? What could be going on him? Why-

“Why are we always meeting like this?”

The cool as ice tone brought Virgil out of his daydream as the patio door opened and the imposing figure from his dreams walked through the door. Logan has since then forwent the bandage and just let the wound on his face air, but has clearly not learned his lesson on carrying four too many objects under one arm. Logan set down his stuff and Virgil blew the smoke quickly out of his mouth.

“We have met like 5 times, Logan,”

He quirked up an eyebrow, “And you are always smoking. Does that not constitute always if it is only a few?” Virgil shrugged as Logan opened a patio umbrella on the gorgeous April day, “A synonym for always is consistently, y’know,” Virgil chose not to respond again as he took another draw of his mostly lit cigarette. Normally he would want to engage in conversation, but his temper and plight towards his working situation today was nothing that nicotine or attractive men could sedate.

Logan pulled out his papers and laptop, turning it up to full brightness, and began writing notes  from a box of text Virgil couldn’t make out.

“I thought you were only here at night,” Virgil asked, seemingly uninterested.

The med student merely shrugged, never turning to face Virgil (whose was facing his back), “I was incentivized to come here today, for some reason,”

Virgil huffed, “Does it have anything to do with the little notes you have been leaving me?”

Virgil could only see the back of Logan’s head at this point, but he could tell he was grinning; his posture got a tad more loosened, his back muscles relaxed, he stopped typing, most likely to laugh in spite of himself. He move his right arm to his face, and the legs of his black frames adjusted more onto his ears.

“I was wondering if you had gotten those,” Logan took a deep breath of air in through his nose and tsked multiple times before returning to typing, “And it is evident you have not compartmentalized my fact yet,”

Virgil was tempted to throw his quartet lit cigarette at the back of Logan’s black locks, but opted for furiously crushing it under his foot instead, “Don’t give me that crap, Doctor Arias-”

“Soon-to-be, Doctor Ari-,” Logan corrected.

“Whatever,” Virgil threw his hands in the air frustrated and put them in his hoodie pockets, “You saw me smoking when you came out here, you didn’t not smell it in the air,” Virgil scoffed and put one foot against the wall, “The only thing I smell out here is your bullshit,”

Logan stopped typing and sighed, turning around to face Virgil for the first time in their conversation, “I apologise. From our previous interactions, your vernacular was quite sardonic and witty, so I thought you would appreciate a friendly repartee while also learning about the dangers of smoking. I was only trying to help.”

Virgil twisted his shoe that was suffocating the cigarette making the tobacco and paper spill all over the patio and under his shoe. He pulled on the loose threads of his jacket, setting his jaw and not wanting to look at Logan,the med student had barely talked to him today but was currently tap dancing on everyone single one of his nerves.

“Thanks for trying to help, but no thanks, Logan,” Virgil hissed at Logan, still not meeting his gaze, “I am not a fucking charity case, okay? I don’t need help from you or from any of your preppy doctor friends,”

“Soon-to-be doctor,” Logan muttered, and Virgil glared at him. Logan was looking down at his shoes.

“There are 35 million other Americans who smoke that are not me, so find someone else to be your little charity case or pet project-”

“Wait no. Virgil, please, you’re not just-” Logan started, but Virgil steamrolled over him.

“ _Okay?_ Because I don’t need anyone to fucking save me. I have been smoking for _twice as long_ as you have been in your doctor program,” Virgil pulled his hand out of his pocket and held up a two in Logan’s direction, “I think I know a little more than you. I am not an experiment or an autopsy you can just pick the brain of. I don’t want your help,”

And with that, Virgil swung open the patio door, and closed it with enough force to shatter the glass it was made out of.

*****

Virgil was still angry. He was angry with customers for being physically incapable of reading, angry with Nelly for scolding him about turn times during a rush when for half of that she was in the back on her phone, angry with Roman for calling in sick and forcing him to work with one of the teenagers for the last 3 hours of his shift, angry with Logan for trying to get him to quite smoking and being so damn nice and good and attractive, and angry with himself for being just an unfiltered moron. Virgil has never been good at controlling his temper. 

Virgil was wiping down tables and just had a few odd jobs to do before he could go home and finally get started on his project. Virgil loved graphic design, he really did, and muses for his final come in odd places.

He saw that he just needed to take all the garbage cans out and then he could go home. Virgil went around to the three big cans in the store and only one was over halfway full. He changed that then went to change the smaller cans (near the creamer cart and outside). The creamer cart can was good and so was the outside trash can, he could tell that without even having to go outside.

However, Virgil looked down and saw the remnants of his fit of anger. The tobacco looked like sawdust spreading out over the patio like a graveyard of broken hearts. He groaned, knowing a metaphor like that means he has to go clean it up a bit. 

Grabbing the broom and dustpan, Virgil opened the doors and took in the still April air; the weather is always the best right at sundown. The thought reminded him of the time he spent with Logan just at sunset a few nights ago. The coffee on his breath, the soft look of his lips… 

Virgil shook those thoughts out of his head and swept the patio; it was quite nice to be away from the hustle and bustle of customers before he leaves. Just as he swept up the last scrap of paper, he sees something that looks oh too familiar to Virgil. 

He creeps over to the table, an animal stalking his prey, and stares at the napkin on the table with a pen on top of it. Virgil looks around him quickly, well aware no one is watching, then snatches up the napkin (a bit too eager, he may add).

_ “Virgil, you are not experiment to me. I try to help because I care. I apologise for overstepping, though. If you do wish to communicate further, hand my pen back to me when I visit next. If not, just keep it (or throw it away). I do enjoy your company. You have become incredibly important to me in the short time we have known one another.  _

_ You did seem quite upset today, though. Research into smoking and stress has shown that instead of helping people to relax, smoking actually increases anxiety and tension. Nicotine creates an immediate sense of relaxation so people smoke in the belief that it reduces stress and anxiety. This feeling of relaxation is temporary and soon gives way to withdrawal symptoms and increased cravings. Smoking reduces nicotine withdrawal symptoms, which are similar to the symptoms of anxiety, but it does not reduce anxiety or deal with the underlying causes. Let me know if I can help you in any way. I care a lot about you, V. _

__ -(soon to be) Dr. Logan Arias, Addiction Psychologist" _ _

 

 

Virgil reads the notes 5 times. Then once more for good measure. He pockets the note with the others in his wallet. He could not stop blushing if he tried.

*****

“You’re good to go Virgil- Oi, why is your face so red? You gettin’ sick too?” 

Virgil tripped out the door, holding his wallet in his hand, “Uh probably! Bye Nelly! See ya later!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders


	5. The Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Patton comes out and Virgil finally stops lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while, huh?
> 
> I deeply apologise for the wait on this chapter. I was really not inspired to write and also my computer broke, so a bad situation all around. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, it is a bit longer than the others, so strap in for some Royality fluff then angst central. 
> 
> TW: implied sexual content, self hatred, talks of addictions, talks of self harm, talks of alcoholism, medium to heavy angst.

Virgil did not know what he expected whenever he walked into his apartment. It was about 6:00 at night, so he knew that Patton would be home, most likely preparing dinner or working on an upcoming project. 

Living with Patton was… Interesting. He never seemed to use his head to think about things, only opting for his heart to guide his feet, which leads to a lot of interesting things to happen to him, Virgil is just collateral damage. The things, they are not always bad, sometimes they are just odd. Such as 4 new Roombas, so that "none of them would ever get lonely" or an expensive bread making kit so that Virgil breakfast could be "entire homemade and made of love". Then there are other times where Patton buys 20 foot plants to feed into his house plant addiction, or picks up a whole box of kitten on the side of the road to foster them (their apartment does not allow animals). 

After some self deliberation and reflection on his walk home, Virgil decided that Patton's odd behavior was due to another odd thing in the apartment that they would inevitably have to get rid of, like a whole cherry blossom tree or a chick incubator. What he did not expect when he opened the apartment door was Patton straddling Roman's waist as he sat on him on the couch, Roman peppering kisses down Patton's neck; the pair was so engrossed in their activity they did not even sense the younger man walk in. That was, until Virgil yelped, dropping his phone on the ground, getting the attention of the two lovers. 

"Virgil!" Patton yelled, prompted jumping to the other side of the room, waving his hands, "I thought you got home at 8!" 

"No," Virgil said, looking at the two of them, narrowing his eyes, confused, "It was 6," 

Patton bit his lip looked between his roommate and Roman, "This isn't- I swear this is not what it looks like!" He defended with a high pitched chuckle. 

Virgil glanced over at Roman, who made himself comfortable on the couch, a cheeky smirk present on his face; he said nothing in Patton's defense. Virgil raised an eyebrow, "Really? Then what did I just see?" 

Patton rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh- er, ah- It was- uh… Practicing adultery?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Sweetheart, no…" 

*****  
Patton scurried off to the kitchen as soon as he heard the kettle sound. Virgil was sat on the armchair next to the couch, staring down Roman, who was as straight as a board (the only time he would ever be). 

He visibly gulped when Virgil's eye twitched, sending shivers up and down his spine. 

"So," Roman started, biting his lip, staring down at his socks, "Is this where you give me the shovel talk?" 

Virgil waited a few agonizing seconds, before responding, "I dunno, do I need to?"

"Oh, well, uh, I am not planning on, uh, I really don't think it's-" 

"Good." Virgil cut off the rambling Chilean, staring deep into his dark brown eyes, "I am glad I do not have to. I am sure you already know that I would rip out your intestines and string them all across your front lawn after making tea with the blood from them if you hurt Patton, right?" Roman was already paralyzed, but Virgil paid no mind, "I do not have to tell you how I would enjoy boiling you alive, watching the skin melt off your body if you cheat on him. I do not have to remind you that I will take everyone you love and personally guide them to Hell while you helplessly sit there and watch if you do anything to hurt that precious man in there. I will shove my foot so far up-" 

"Virgey, dear, what kind of tea do you want?" Patton's voice rang out from the kitchen. 

"Any kind that's as dark and bitter as my soul," Virgil responded, eyes still locked on Roman. 

"Got it, Chinese White Tea it is!" Patton cheerily called it. 

"Yea sur- What, no!" This shook Virgil out of his interrogation mindset, and looked towards the wall where the kitchen is, "Patton! I want dark tea. Give me the oolong!" 

Patton sighed, "Virge, last I gave you that tea you kept adding sugar and complaining about the bitterness," 

Virgil's eyes darted back towards Roman, who raised an eyebrow in his direction, "Okay, whatever, just give me jasmine with two bags," 

Patton tsked at Virgil from the kitchen, "This is getting ridiculous Virgey, you know that jasmine always give you a tummy ache," 

Roman snorted, covering his mouth, and Virgil shot him a death glare, "Shut the fuck up, Princey," 

"C'mon, I know Chinese White Tea is your favorite," Patton pleaded. 

"Fine…" 

"6 sugars right?" Patton asked, clanking coming from the kitchen as he set down mugs, and Virgil just growled in response, "Got it!" 

Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair, focusing his attention back on Roman, "Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, I will drag you-" 

Roman cut him off with a boisterous laugh, "Sorry, tough guy, but after that?" He laughed again and Virgil just crossed his arms, sinking further into the armchair. 

Patton walked out of the kitchen with 3 identical mugs (that Virgil had stolen from Hume's, of course) on a tray, handing them out to their respective owners. 

"Ah, gracias, mi amor," Roman said as Patton handed him his, sitting down next to him on the couch with a kiss on the lips. Virgil rolled his eyes but fondly smiled as Roman threw one of his arms around Patton, who snuggled into the touch. 

"Okay, so, I am like, glad this happened, but like, when? What? How?" Virgil asked. 

The couple looked at each other and then back at Virgil. It was Patton who responded, "Well, it was actually all thanks to what you said, Virgey," 

"What I said?" 

Patton nodded, "You said that Roman would pretty much agree to do anything with me if I invited him. So after I asked a fake question about Photoshop-" 

"I cannot believe you deceived me in such a way, weon," Roman interrupted, Patton giggled and kissed him on the cheek before continuing. 

"While I was texting him I let it casually slip that I had never seen Coco or Big Hero 6. Cue offended Prince texts as he scolds me, saying I 'I have to watch it', and so I invited him over to see it. You were gone out watching some action flick until 2am-" 

"Some action flick," Virgil rolled his eyes, "It was Shazam and it was perfect,"

"Either way, you were gone and after the movie, things just sort of… Slipped out. It was very sweet though. I cried, Roman cried. Then we stayed up all night-" 

"All night doing it!" Virgil exclaimed, whooping to himself. 

"All night teaching Patton Spanish," Roman said with a judging glance. 

"Right," Virgil said, pointing at Roman, "But also doing it," 

Roman and Patton glanced at each other, then chuckled weakly, "No…" Patton shrunk in on himself, rubbing the back of his neck, "No, we weren't, ah, we are not doing that…" 

"Uh huh, right," Virgil said, tapping at a spot on his neck. Patton looked down, then immediately covered a spot on his own neck spotted with red and purple bruises with his shirt collar. 

"Either way kiddo," Patton started again, awkwardly, "I apologise for what you had to see… On the couch,"

Virgil scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Patton, you're a 27 year old man, I don't really care what you do. I just care that you felt like you had to keep this a secret from me," 

Roman and Patton both sighed, "I am sorry, but it was me who wanted to keep things under wraps. I wanted to get a few weeks into it before we went really public with it. I am just… Nervous is all," 

"Why is that Pat?" 

"Well- I just, it's complicated-" 

Roman cut Patton off with a wave of his hand, "This perfect, gorgeous human being does not believe he is good enough for me, when in reality he is just absolutely wonderful," 

"Aww Pat…" Virgil said, but Patton waved him off. 

"I am okay Virgil, nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about,"

"Si!" Roman exclaimed, "I am here to shower this young man with all the love and affection he so desperately deserves," Roman gave him a long kiss on the cheek, Patton giggling at Roman's actions. 

"Well, you guys are going to give me a toothache, I am going to my room," 

Virgil stood up and began walking, but Patton stopped him with a question, "Wait, how did work go? Did you see your doctor crush?" 

Virgil stopped in his tracks, sighing and sniffling, "Yea, I did. And I am almost 100% sure I ruined everything," There was a beat where Roman and Patton said nothing and Virgil started to walk away again. 

"Weon," Roman said with a soft, mild voice, Virgil turned around and saw Roman patting the spot next to him, "Come talk to us," 

Virgil slowly made his way to the couch. He did not say anything for a while. It was not until Roman put a warm, tender arm around Virgil shoulders that he broke down into tears. 

Patton and Roman hugged the man as his tears wet the sleeves of his hoodie and bawled, barely hearing the words of comfort whispered in his ear. His body racked with sobs, the kind that start in your chest and make their way all the way up to your head, but somehow leaving room to wrench your heart as your wring yourself dry with dejection. Virgil cried until he did not know why he was crying anymore. He sobbed until he was dehydrated and tired. And he wept until he almost forgot about Logan and the mess he made. Almost. 

After his tears were wiped away and the silence in the room was so thick you could swallow it, Virgil reached for his tea, now lukewarm, and began drinking.

"Virgil…" Patton murmured, "What happened today?" 

Virgil shook his head, "Give me a minute, Pat," 

Patton nodded, telling him to take all the time he needed. Virgil nodded, and finished his tea. It was not until he held a second warm cup that he decided to speak. And he talked and rambled on. He spoke about his tough day, the lashing out, the hurt he felt towards Logan, the resentment he felt towards himself, the note he left. The couple listened. They listened attentively and with care and with sympathy, and with love. 

"I am feeling better," Virgil announced, setting down his empty cup, "I- I dunno what that was. I feel bad, I'm sorry guys,"

Soft protests came from both parties, and comforting pats from the roommate. 

"I think I just want to go to my room and lie down for a bit…" Virgil muttered, twiddling his thumbs. Patton and Roman looked at each other then back at Virgil. 

"No," 

Virgil frowned, looking at Patton, "No?" 

"No, you are not leaving right now and running away from how you are feeling," Patton stated, firmly. 

"Sweetheart, maybe we should just let-" 

"No, Roman, he has to talk about this. Virgil's reaction- it- I'm-" He sputtered a bit, trying to find the words he needs, then stared pointedly at Virgil, "Remember, you have to tell me things," 

"Patton, I did, I just talked for a while-" 

"You did, but you only talked about the situation and stated facts about it. You never told us how you were feeling or why you broke down," Patton raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. 

"I-" Virgil started, then cut himself off, knowing the older man was correct. 

“I understand that the situation itself can be upsetting, but you never explained to us why what Logan said affected you in the way that it did,”

Virgil shrugged, pulling his jacket tight over his body, “Because it was just annoying to have someone barrage you so endlessly about something,” 

“Why’ja think that bothered you so much?” 

Virgil frowned, thinking, “I don’t know, because it is something that I cannot change about myself,”

Patton frowned, “But still, why are you so upset about it? Is it because you care a lot about what people think of you?” 

“Well… No-”

“Then what is the real issue here, Virgil?” Patton asked, and Virgil stayed silent, twiddling his thumbs, “I mean, if you do not care what other people think and it is something you cannot change, then why are we worried about it?” 

“Because…”

“Because?”

“Because I fucking hate myself for it!” Virgil exclaimed, shocking Roman, but Patton just nodded, “I hate that I have to use a cigarette to get through any tough times in my life. I hate that I have this addiction. I fucking despise myself anytime I get caught up in these things,” Virgil pulled his sleeves over his arms, willing himself not to cry, “It took me so long to stop drinking and even longer to stop cutting and self harming, and it sucks. The withdraw and the cravings all suck. Whenever I relapsed and started self harming again, it didn’t even make me feel better, I fucking felt worse because I was a shitty person who couldn’t make it one week without trying to destroy my own body. And I tried everything to stop smoking. The patches, rubberbands, even the weird hypnosis things, nothing works. Smoking makes me feel so… Guilty. I feel guilty whenever I walk into the gas station and they already know the brand that I get. Guilty whenever I have to stop working or hanging out with people to smoke, but I just can’t stop. So, yea, I try to act like I do not care. I try to pretend that I have accepted my fate and I do not want to stop so people do not hate me for failing, I am a liar!” Virgil voice broke and he sniffed, wiping the snot from his nose with his sleeve and the tears from his eyes, and leveled his voice “It is just easier to pretend like you don’t care then to actually care and try and then fail,” 

The room was silent as the two processed what Virgil had told him; everything they had previously known about his addiction was out the window. 

“Is that why Logan’s persistence got to you?” Roman asked, and Virgil nodded shortly. 

“I have just never had someone try so hard and seem to care so much about my smoking. It… It scared me. So much. I want help, badly. But I do not want to mess up again,” Virgil murmured. 

Patton sighed, and nodded. “I understand, Virge. Fear is a nasty thing indeed. But you need to get out of your head that failing is bad. Failing teaches you so much and gives you so much. It is not always a bad thing to fail.” 

Roman nodded, agreeing with Patton, “Right. You probably know this already, but I failed out of college. I failed out hard. When I was 19 or whatever, I thought that that was the end of my life, but it is not. I now get to act, work at a job that I really enjoy and do all the things I ever dreamed of without college. I am so happy that I failed, for the people in my life, the things I would have missed out on living 900 miles away on some campus I didn’t like in a state that I hated. I am so happy with the life I have now, I wouldn’t change a thing,” 

Patton smiled, “And just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you cannot try again, right?” Virgil nodded, “The only time you truly fail is when you fall down and refuse to get back up. And you have us to support you the whole way, right?” 

Virgil nodded and softly smiled for the first time in many hours, “Right. You’re right,” He sighed, “I know what I need to do,” 

*****

Logan had barely sat down in his seat at Hume’s before Virgil marched up to him, slamming the pen onto the table he was at. 

“Virgil?” Logan asked slowly, “What are you doing? Why are you not in your uniform?” 

“I did not work today,” Virgil said, quickly, “I am giving you your pen back,” 

“Oh, right,” Logan nodded, “I want to apologise for a few days ago. I overstepped and I-”

“Shut up,” Virgil told him. 

“Wha-” 

“Logan, I need you to help me,” 

Logan frowned, “Help you? With what? Are you okay, V?”

Virgil shook his head, “No, I am not, that is why I need you, I want to quit,”

Logan raised his eyebrows, “Oh. Well, I am sure I can refer you to some resources-” 

Virgil waved him off, “No, no. It has to be you Logan, I want you,” 

Logan scoffed, “Virgil, I am sure you would fare better with a professional, I am not fully qualified to help you yet,” 

“Logan.” Virgil stared back into Logan’s eyes, “Please.” He begged. 

Logan looked at the table before pulling his bag off and taking out his laptop. He then gestured to the seat in front of him, which Virgil quickly took, “Okay,” He huffed, a glimmer of determination in his eyes, “Let’s get to work,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come follow/message me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders

**Author's Note:**

> I made Roman Chilean in this fic (gee, I wonder why), and we use a lot of slang, so here are the translations for those words:
> 
> santa marta - Not a Chilean slang word, but slang for marijuana in Latin America (according to the Internet).
> 
> cachai - Do you get me?/ Y’know? / Yea? At it’s core, it is essential just asking if they are on the same page.
> 
> po: Just used for emphasis when speaking.
> 
> weon: This is the most commonly used slang word in Chile. It’s meaning can range from ‘dude’ or ‘man’ to as a term of endearment, greeting to idiot or worse. The meaning all depends on context and emphasis. I am being serious when I say Chileans say this in every other sentence.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders


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